Van Life - 6 Month Reflection

It’s been six months since we pulled out of the parking lot of our townhome and left behind the comfort and stability of the city we’d called home for ten years. Some days it feels like we’ve been living this life for an eternity. Other days, it feels like everything is still brand new and fresh.

As I reflect back on the last six months, I have to be honest that the transition has been difficult for me. It’s hard for me to admit, but it’s true. Van life from the outside looks like a dream, and it is most days, but the ever-changing plans that often lead to the best adventures, can sometimes also lead to a lot of stress.

I was scared to admit that I was struggling in the beginning. So many people have told us that we are living their dream. It felt wrong to admit that it is hard. I was masking how I really felt for fear of being seen as ungrateful or a failure for not loving it every second of every day. But the thing is, it is totally okay to be living out your life’s dream with so much thankfulness in your heart, while simultaneously struggling through the changes you’re facing.

When we started our adventure in March, I did not have a job other than being captain of the ship. For me so much of my identity and who I am as a person is entangled in my work. (Enneagram 3s unite!) I don’t know who I am without a job title. Work also provides a sense of stability, structure, and comfort that I need and thrive off of. I felt lost and almost daily, I still felt the anxiety of quitting my dream job. A job where I knew exactly what to do every day. I worked in a community that felt like family and although I chose to give up that dream to chase a different dream, it was still painful. I had days laced with regret, FOMO, and fear that I would never again find a job that fed my soul so well.

I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last several months. Under stress, the first thing I want to do is quit, and there were some days that I wanted to quit so bad in hopes it would take away the pain of the stress. But I uprooted my entire life and knew quitting wasn’t an option, so I called my therapist when needed. I tried to change my outlook, and I ultimately learned ways to ground myself when life feels out of control.

Finally, after many months of uncontrollable anxiety and some of the hardest days I’ve endured in a while, I feel like things are back on track. My soul feels free again. I’m thankful for every second of road life because I have learned so much about myself and who I want to be. The rollercoaster of life is a beautiful thing, and I’m so blessed to be on the ride.

Here are a few fun things we have realized on the road:

-There isn’t a “chair”. You know, the “chair” that you put your clothes on that are not quite dirty, but are not clean enough to go back into the drawer. We’ve had to get creative on where we put those clothes.

-I miss having a couch. Before I moved in with T, I would often fall asleep on my couch and sleep there all night. I absolutely love a couch nap!

-We are always rearranging things. I believe if we ever built another van, we’d do our storage differently because we would know exactly what we need on the road. When we were building The Canoe, we had no idea, so we just guessed on what type of cabinets we would need. We are always moving things in hope the new spot makes more sense.

-I still hate to cook. I may hate to cook more now than I did before. The first four times I cooked, I started a fire in the van three of those times. I am even more thankful now that I married a chef!

-There are cords literally EVERYWHERE! I would have never thought about this, but the space is so tiny to begin with, so you notice the chargers and cords more than you would in a house because they are often in the walkway or on the very little counter space.

-All plans are very fluid. Which I love and hate! As mentioned above, I thrive off of a plan, but I also get anxiety if the plan is too set in stone. Basically, I like to be in control of the plan. We may think we are going to be in one city for several days, but get there and decide it doesn’t need several days, so we move on. Being flexible is important!

-You’re never settled. This can get exhausting and something I have had to learn to prepare for. We are constantly on the go, either driving to the next city or trying to cram an entire city into a couple days and at the end of all the hustle, we then have to find somewhere to sleep. It can be difficult never being settled, so we've had to learn to have quiet time and rest moments amongst all the going.

-Parking a van this tall was not something I thought of before being on the road. We can’t fit into parking decks, so we have to often plan ahead on where we are going to park using Google Maps. We also have to be aware of low bridges. We believe we are around 10.5 Ft tall. The lowest bridge we have attempted was 10.8 and we ducked our heads and prayed our way under it! LAWLZ we were nervous sweating!!!

-Your entire possessions are always with you, which is actually super handy! If we forget something, we just hop back out to the house in the parking lot and grab it. This also means that leaving the house behind takes extra preparation because we are so used to having everything with us!

Six months, 27 states, 2 countries, countless sites seen and experiences had and the thing I am most thankful for is who I am on this journey with. TC is patient, steady, understanding and the kindest human. In times of stress, I am none of those things. I could not be where I am today without his love. He is constantly trying to understand my anxieties and what I need to be happy and healthy. Not only does he fuel my soul, he also researches how to fix problems with the van and can Eagle Scout his way through anything. There are not adequate words to describe van life, you just have to experience to really know the ins and outs. We are blessed to get to wake up every day and figure it out together.

We are also so thankful to have you all on this journey with us. You all have cheered us on and supported us through this huge life change, and we could not be more blessed to have people in our corner that want nothing more to see us succeed!

Cheers to all that is coming, the growth, the sites, the adventures, and the memories. Most of all, cheers to learning to live in the uncomfortable, the unpredictable, and the unknown. I’m a better person now than I was six months okay because of this life we are living.